Situational Awareness

Hi everyone! I hope you had as productive of a weekend as I did! I cleaned our entire apartment top to bottom, I reorganized under all of the sinks, I finished yet another chapter of my thesis (getting close, folks), and I did some event planning for work. I also got a chance to sneak out for some beers Friday night with real people, not just books! I feel good about the work I'm getting done- especially on my thesis. Its due in a week! I've been busy lately trying to finish it up which is why I haven't been around here. While I am super excited about that progress, I have been remiss on the health progress. 

I felt like if I posted, even a ten minute post with no pictures, there wouldn't be much to say.. I ate out (again). I had Raising Cane's (again). I had ice cream when I wasn't hungry (again). I went over my calorie range and then some a lot (again). 

I have been telling myself that I don't have time to cook and blog if I need to be working on my thesis- which is entirely true, but what I have also secretly been telling myself is that I can do whatever I want food-wise because I'm working on my thesis and not blogging- which is entirely untrue. 

I have known I was doing this too, that it wasn't ideal, that I wanted to stop, but didn't even have time to pump the breaks and re-assess. It has been pretty frustrating, knowing my goals, but not feeling like I had the time to plan to achieve them. If food, weight loss, and health were my number one priority on a week to week basis, I know I could achieve any goal. That's just not how it is right now. 

I want to graduate. I have to graduate. I will cry myself to sleep for at least a month day if I don't graduate. That is how badly I want to be done with school. I need this for me on a personal level, just as much as I need to live a healthy lifestyle to feel like a balanced person now. 

So that leaves me in an odd place. I am spending every free moment trying to finish my work. I am not taking care of myself health and food-wise, often I don't feel like I have the time. I also have some events coming up I like to think of as "weight deadlines:" graduation, Foxfield races, Easter weekend with sisters at the beach, best friend's wedding in Scotland. So seeing the scale numbers going up, the rounding out of my cheeks, and the reclaiming of "teacher arms" (you know, when you move your arm and you have a flap that jiggles around like your elementary teacher's), is also adding some stress.

I got some really great lifestyle advice a year ago when dealing with a stressful situation that I couldn't fix. I was told that to relieve the stress and pain I was going through, there were two factors that could change: the situation, or myself. If neither changed, the problem and stress would remain the same. I love that outlook on problems. It is such an intuitive solution. I now look at most problems like this to find resolution.

In the case of where I am now, I can leave the situation as-is, and be a little stressed about gaining weight, and frustrated that I don't get to live my life like I want right now. That is essentially waiting it out until the situation goes away (3 weeks until my final deadline). Or, on the other hand, I can try and rearrange my situation and myself with the little wiggle-room I have with my time, and come to better personal satisfaction- which is what I am going to try to do. We'll see how it goes.

So, for the next week, I'm going to try and track and blog what I eat- all of it. And if I don't have time to write everything, I'll just upload pictures. Also, when I am done at work or writing for the night around 10-11, I'll take the time between then and midnight to plan, prepare, and measure my food for the next day. I have already started this tonight and have Monday and most of Tuesday's food planned and prepared. This should give me a head-start on my week. My goal is to finish writing the thesis Wednesday and proof through next Monday.

Ah, I feel better. I am a planner. It is well beyond my bedtime, but after preparing Monday's food, I wanted to let you in on what is going on in my life so that when you hear from me Tuesday with Monday's eats, you'll know where its coming from!

I weigh in tomorrow (great), so you'll see that Tuesday too. Enjoy your Monday and wish my luck!