World's Biggest Failure

How many times have you fallen of the diet/health/or exercise wagon and turned around, recommitted, and find yourself in that same position later? I know I have....2010: 2/7, 6/30, 7/7, 8/17, 9/14, 9/16, 10/9, 11/15, 11/29, 2011: 1/15, 2/1, and now 3/2. That's a lot of times, and I'm sure there are more. From that- I think I could be the world's biggest failure. Should I really be writing a weight loss and food blog if I can't practice what I preach? I was thinking about the up and downs I've had the the last month and a half and getting a little frustrated and feeling like I was failing. Then- I zoomed out a little to my whole journey. I have needed reality checks and had recommit myself to my goals so many times over the past year. Does that mean I am a failure? No. Does that mean I was failing at the time? I'm not sure. I'll reserve judgement on that one. 

I feel like for any lifestyle change- there are going to be ups and downs. You are not going to be able to stay on a diet 100% for any period of time. I mean, maybe you can, but then you are probably too anal retentive to be my friend. I know that I can't. Reducing calorie intake below what your body uses in a day can be mentally challenging at times. Especially for people used to needing and taking in their 2,000 calories and often more. It takes mental control of your body. Its like running- it can be really great for you and you feel great after, but in the moment, you want nothing more than to punch the people driving on the road while you're running as they zoom by and wondering what would happen if your lungs actually did collapse. At least its that way for me sometimes. And sometimes, I stop running. Sometimes, I stop dieting. 

But then again, sometimes, I beat my body and keep going and make progress. And the next day, I fight the battle again. As long as you're winning more often than you're losing and you're committing yourself to the battle each day, we'll all make progress. Obviously- just because I failed and lost the battle over and over again, didn't mean I couldn't be a success. The days or weeks I spent "failing" weren't enough to override the time I spent "succeeding." So each of those dates I listed above, aren't failures but are really mini successes. Me choosing to show up to the battle again, not to slaughter all drivers during my runs, and to do my best...again.

I think that's part of the reason weight loss efforts are so personal and criticism in the area is generally unwelcome. Everyone's "best" is going to be different. Your own best and what you can give varies day to day and week to week. Its easy to say "She can't be trying that hard," or "Just get out and run 3 times a week for 30 minutes. Come on, not that hard," "Or calories in have to be less than calories out- duh." Some people read my blog and think- "Wow, I could never do that (not to mention, don't you realize you seem crazy, food picture lady?)." While others come here and think, "You know you could loose a lot more weight if you do A,  B, and C." 

Two years ago, in the throws of grad school, research, classes, and newly married, I couldn't have done this. I wouldn't have been confident to share personal choices to a group of unnamed readers to take what they will from it. It was my best at the time. A year ago, I couldn't run far. Today, I can't do pushups. My best keeps getting better the more I work with what I've got. So remember that failure is only real failure if its permanent. 

So again- the Wold's Biggest Failure Commits herself to the goal of weight loss.

I'll post yesterday's eats later tonight. Have a great day!

C